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JOKES!!!!!

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A man retires and buys himself a corvette. On the way home from the dealer he was going a little fast and a Texas state trooper lights him up. Instead of stopping the man punches it and starts pulling away fast from the trooper. Realizing this was not a good idea he pulls over and waits for the trooper. When the trooper catches up to him and walks up to the car he sees it's an older guy and says to him "look sir, if you can give me a good reason as to why you were running from me I will let you go with a warning." The man says "25 years ago a Texas state trooper stole my wife from me. I thought you were bringing her back". When the trooper stops laughing he says "Have a nice day sir!"
 
lmgunner13 said:
A man retires and buys himself a corvette. On the way home from the dealer he was going a little fast and a Texas state trooper lights him up. Instead of stopping the man punches it and starts pulling away fast from the trooper. Realizing this was not a good idea he pulls over and waits for the trooper. When the trooper catches up to him and walks up to the car he sees it's an older guy and says to him "look sir, if you can give me a good reason as to why you were running from me I will let you go with a warning." The man says "25 years ago a Texas state trooper stole my wife from me. I thought you were bringing her back". When the trooper stops laughing he says "Have a nice day sir!"
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That is actually from a country western song ( Bring Her Back) written and performed by Clay Underwood.
 
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade.. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms . Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in a 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Fire truck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.'
 
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