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Losing my dad

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I can empathize with you Bella. It is a hard thing. I wish I could say something that would make it all better but there are no words for that. Just know you have friends here and you can talk to us anytime. May God strengthen you during this difficult time.
 
MrMichaelActual- Your post reminded me of my situation when my parents, both WW2 vets, passed on separate occasions while I was on the road. Thankfully, I was able to get home in time for both funerals due to the kindness of my private sector employer. Both were interred in a National Cemetery with full military honors. Your words, especially "stay strong", were actually said to me by my parents many years before their passing, as they knew my career would put me on the road frequently for what turned out to be 35 years. I don't place any significance on the dates of their deaths but visit their grave on their birthdates to celebrate their lives, along with my thanks to God for making me their son. I know you'll "stay strong and put one foot in front of the other".
 
belladonna said:
I've probably mentioned here before that my family is spread out across the US and Canada. It's been that way for many, many years. I have always been the one to travel for visits, and I don't regret it in the least. I just got off the phone with my sister (in FL). My stepmother has been in the hospital since Tuesday. She has renal failure and is not expected to hang on much longer. I tried to talk to my dad on the phone...he didn't know who I was. We used to have Skype dates every Wednesday when I worked at my other job. I was the only kid who called him back then. He doesn't know me anymore.

I am struggling with whether or not to post this, but I just have to get it out. I'm okay, but it's hurting in waves. I have never lost a parent before. My sister doesn't think he will hang on very long after my stepmother passes. I can't just go right now. Sister understands, but she is dealing with so much...at least I can be her sounding board.

Sorry for the sob story, but if I am a little off or inconsistent, this is part of it.
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My dad passed away when I was 23, and last month my Mom passed, also due to renal failure. She would have been 93 last week.

She was in & out of the hospital dealing with multiple renal bouts & the last one she couldn't fight off. She was all worn out at that age.

She also had dementia and forgot who I was about 2 yrs ago, but I called her every Sunday to touch bases.

The trip back was tough but I knew what was coming the last few months.

Life is short for all of use so hang in there, honor your parent with what you shared with her, and also take care of yourself.

We all have to keep going.
 
belladonna said:
I've probably mentioned here before that my family is spread out across the US and Canada. It's been that way for many, many years. I have always been the one to travel for visits, and I don't regret it in the least. I just got off the phone with my sister (in FL). My stepmother has been in the hospital since Tuesday. She has renal failure and is not expected to hang on much longer. I tried to talk to my dad on the phone...he didn't know who I was. We used to have Skype dates every Wednesday when I worked at my other job. I was the only kid who called him back then. He doesn't know me anymore.

I am struggling with whether or not to post this, but I just have to get it out. I'm okay, but it's hurting in waves. I have never lost a parent before. My sister doesn't think he will hang on very long after my stepmother passes. I can't just go right now. Sister understands, but she is dealing with so much...at least I can be her sounding board.

Sorry for the sob story, but if I am a little off or inconsistent, this is part of it.
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So, So sorry Bella lost my parents decades ago. Yes it's hard to deal with but you have to keep going, know you will. We lost our oldest daughter 28 years ago still talk to her photo every night. Like many have said we here at the forum have you in our thoughts and prayers.
 
I am so sorry for your Dad's condition and his seeming like a stranger to you. My Dad had Alzheimers for 10 years before he passed suddenly in 1991. I found it helpful to recount stories of the many good memories we had. In the end the memories are what you have left, treasure them. I hope you find peace in your time of troubles.
 
belladonna said:
I've probably mentioned here before that my family is spread out across the US and Canada. It's been that way for many, many years. I have always been the one to travel for visits, and I don't regret it in the least. I just got off the phone with my sister (in FL). My stepmother has been in the hospital since Tuesday. She has renal failure and is not expected to hang on much longer. I tried to talk to my dad on the phone...he didn't know who I was. We used to have Skype dates every Wednesday when I worked at my other job. I was the only kid who called him back then. He doesn't know me anymore.

I am struggling with whether or not to post this, but I just have to get it out. I'm okay, but it's hurting in waves. I have never lost a parent before. My sister doesn't think he will hang on very long after my stepmother passes. I can't just go right now. Sister understands, but she is dealing with so much...at least I can be her sounding board.

Sorry for the sob story, but if I am a little off or inconsistent, this is part of it.
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Sorry for your loss. There's just no proper prep for later life. Seeing my Dad, a steelworker, heavy equipment operator, charming and gregarious end up a little wizened shell of his former self was macabre. Now my Mom, is about to turn 96 and while pretty sharp, she has no drive to do anything. She has a great care facility but even with that her quality of life is poor.
 
Bella, so sorry you’re having to deal with this. As many have said, life happens regardless of our situation. That doesn’t make it any easier on us.
I lost my dad a couple of years ago to liver failure and advanced dementia. He and mom lived with me so I could help take care of him. It was extraordinarily tough to deal with and even more so when he stopped recognizing us and his surroundings. But I understood that my family couldn’t just drop their lives to come and help. I’m glad your sister is available for them and that she’s a loving person. So many out there are the exact opposite and make things needlessly worse.
It’s a dark time right now and while there may seem to be no light at the end of the tunnel, it is there. Peace will wash over your father soon enough. Time will heal.
You and your family are in our prayers.
 
So sorry to hear this Bella my heart is with you . I know everybody will say the same thing pick yourself up and keep moving . That great advice but sometimes it’s hard , you take all the time and always think about the good times you had with him that my girl is always your heart remember that nothing but love your way Bella
 
God, sorry to hear this. Our condolences and prayers for you and your family. All you can do is your best.

We were very lucky my dad had all his faculties when he passed in a hospice hospital bed in his own living room, with 24 hour nursing care provided by my sister and wife, both RNs. Very lucky...

I do miss him, surely do.
 
It's never a bad thing for you nor your audience to vent a bit, sharing what your life has been like and blowing off a bit of steam.

I lost my Father very slowly as he became another person due to Alzheimer's and dementia. It is very difficult to reconcile what is with what was. He was a hardworking man who made sure his family came first. Oh, he had his quirks as we all do but somehow, as his children, we loved him without reservation. Soon we all became strangers to our Father which hurt worse than having him pass on.

You have my sympathy and wish you better times in the future.
 
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