Daffy Zone…..
- Thread starter Annihilator
- Start date
Model 457
Operator
GOLF → Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden
A husband that works a very stressful job and provides very well for his family uses his Saturday morning golf game with his buddies as a tool to decompress on a weekly basis. He doesn't ask for much. His children attend the very best schools, they live in a very nice home in the best part of town, there are 2 luxury vehicles in the garage, and the family members want for nothing.
Saturday morning arrives. The husband has his routine cup of coffee and toast. He then goes upstairs for a quick rinse off and gets dressed for his round of golf. He checks his watch and notes he is right on schedule to make his tee time. He goes into the garage to load his clubs into the car. To his surprise, his clubs are already loaded as are his wife's newly purchased set. She is waiting in the front seat for him.
Husband: What are you doing Sweetheart?
Wife: I thought I'd surprise you and let you teach me how to play golf. I already called the club to change your tee time and also told your buddies you were going to golf with me today, Isn't this just a wonderful surprise?
Husband: Yes......wonderful......
When they get to the club, the caddie grabs their clubs and drives them to the first hole.
Husband: See those beautiful homes lining the fairway Sweetheart? They cost bazillions of dollars and it is critical you don't slice and god forbid hit one of them with your ball. Now watch me carefully and tee off the same way I do. This is your first time so don't try to kill the ball. Just hit it in a way that feels natural. Crrraaaccck! A PERFECT 310' drive down the fairway.
Wife: That didn't look hard at all. I don't understand all the big talk about your game.
The wife shakes her cute little gym toned booty and whacks at the ball. Slice right through a plate glass window of a home along the fairway. CRASH!!!!! The husband looks at the caddie (who is trying his best not to laugh) and says "Well, we may as well go over there and find out how much this is going to cost me." They load up and the caddie drives them off the course, out the gates, and to the house the wife hit. They knock at the door and it opens a few inches. The husband shouts "hello!" From back in the house they hear come on in. I'm back here. The wife and husband look at each other and go inside.
Husband: Hello? We're terribly sorry about your window.
Voice: I'm back here. Come on in.
They proceed into a magnificently decorated family room in the back of the house. On an antique table lays the golf ball in the wreckage of what appears to be a very rare and expensive vase and shards of an exploded plate glass window is all over the room. The husband almost breaks out into tears as dollar signs scroll through his mind. The wife fall to the ground in a fit of tears.
Voice: (sitting on a sofa in nothing but underpants) Calm down now. This isn't a real big deal. If fact, you've done me a tremendous service. You see, I am a genie. I've been stuck in that vase since the Ming Dynasty.
Wife: Y-you-you're a genie?
Voice: Yes, and for setting me free, I will give you 2 wishes.
Husband: I thought genies gave 3 wishes.
Voice: Traditionally, yes, you are correct. But your wife destroyed an irreplaceable and I might add priceless vase from the Ming Dynasty. For that reason, I want to keep one of the wishes for myself. So does one wish each sond fair to you both?
Wife: That sounds wonderful to me.
Voice: Who wants to make the first wish?
Wife: I will. I wish for a vacation palace on each continent. To include servants and all of the luxuries one could only wish for.
Voice: (Snaps his fingers) Done. You'll find the keys, deeds, and access instructions waiting for you on your kitchen counter when you get home.
Husband: I wish to be the richest person on the face of the planet.
Voice: (Snaps his fingers) Done. There'll be dump trucks dumping mountains of cash at your house when you get home.
The husband and wife look at each other in disbelief. Then the wife asks the Voice what he plans to wish for.
Voice: Well, I have been cooped up in that vase for over 300 years and I've been quite lonely if you know what I mean. So, I was hoping you'd spend some "romantic" time with me in the bedroom.
Wife: (blushing furiously) Looking at her husband, she says "He did make you the richest person on the planet."
Husband: He did give you luxurious vacation homes all over the world. I suppose I could live with the arrangement.
Voice: It's settled then. And trust me Sir, this won't take long at all.
Geine and the wife go into a bedroom and as predicted, it didn't take long at all.
Voice: So, how old is your husband?
Wife: He is 42. Why do you ask?
Voice: Imagine that. 42 and he still believes in genies!!!
A husband that works a very stressful job and provides very well for his family uses his Saturday morning golf game with his buddies as a tool to decompress on a weekly basis. He doesn't ask for much. His children attend the very best schools, they live in a very nice home in the best part of town, there are 2 luxury vehicles in the garage, and the family members want for nothing.
Saturday morning arrives. The husband has his routine cup of coffee and toast. He then goes upstairs for a quick rinse off and gets dressed for his round of golf. He checks his watch and notes he is right on schedule to make his tee time. He goes into the garage to load his clubs into the car. To his surprise, his clubs are already loaded as are his wife's newly purchased set. She is waiting in the front seat for him.
Husband: What are you doing Sweetheart?
Wife: I thought I'd surprise you and let you teach me how to play golf. I already called the club to change your tee time and also told your buddies you were going to golf with me today, Isn't this just a wonderful surprise?
Husband: Yes......wonderful......
When they get to the club, the caddie grabs their clubs and drives them to the first hole.
Husband: See those beautiful homes lining the fairway Sweetheart? They cost bazillions of dollars and it is critical you don't slice and god forbid hit one of them with your ball. Now watch me carefully and tee off the same way I do. This is your first time so don't try to kill the ball. Just hit it in a way that feels natural. Crrraaaccck! A PERFECT 310' drive down the fairway.
Wife: That didn't look hard at all. I don't understand all the big talk about your game.
The wife shakes her cute little gym toned booty and whacks at the ball. Slice right through a plate glass window of a home along the fairway. CRASH!!!!! The husband looks at the caddie (who is trying his best not to laugh) and says "Well, we may as well go over there and find out how much this is going to cost me." They load up and the caddie drives them off the course, out the gates, and to the house the wife hit. They knock at the door and it opens a few inches. The husband shouts "hello!" From back in the house they hear come on in. I'm back here. The wife and husband look at each other and go inside.
Husband: Hello? We're terribly sorry about your window.
Voice: I'm back here. Come on in.
They proceed into a magnificently decorated family room in the back of the house. On an antique table lays the golf ball in the wreckage of what appears to be a very rare and expensive vase and shards of an exploded plate glass window is all over the room. The husband almost breaks out into tears as dollar signs scroll through his mind. The wife fall to the ground in a fit of tears.
Voice: (sitting on a sofa in nothing but underpants) Calm down now. This isn't a real big deal. If fact, you've done me a tremendous service. You see, I am a genie. I've been stuck in that vase since the Ming Dynasty.
Wife: Y-you-you're a genie?
Voice: Yes, and for setting me free, I will give you 2 wishes.
Husband: I thought genies gave 3 wishes.
Voice: Traditionally, yes, you are correct. But your wife destroyed an irreplaceable and I might add priceless vase from the Ming Dynasty. For that reason, I want to keep one of the wishes for myself. So does one wish each sond fair to you both?
Wife: That sounds wonderful to me.
Voice: Who wants to make the first wish?
Wife: I will. I wish for a vacation palace on each continent. To include servants and all of the luxuries one could only wish for.
Voice: (Snaps his fingers) Done. You'll find the keys, deeds, and access instructions waiting for you on your kitchen counter when you get home.
Husband: I wish to be the richest person on the face of the planet.
Voice: (Snaps his fingers) Done. There'll be dump trucks dumping mountains of cash at your house when you get home.
The husband and wife look at each other in disbelief. Then the wife asks the Voice what he plans to wish for.
Voice: Well, I have been cooped up in that vase for over 300 years and I've been quite lonely if you know what I mean. So, I was hoping you'd spend some "romantic" time with me in the bedroom.
Wife: (blushing furiously) Looking at her husband, she says "He did make you the richest person on the planet."
Husband: He did give you luxurious vacation homes all over the world. I suppose I could live with the arrangement.
Voice: It's settled then. And trust me Sir, this won't take long at all.
Geine and the wife go into a bedroom and as predicted, it didn't take long at all.
Voice: So, how old is your husband?
Wife: He is 42. Why do you ask?
Voice: Imagine that. 42 and he still believes in genies!!!
Model 457
Operator
Some poor slug marries the woman of his dreams only to discover his mother-in-law comes as a package deal. This woman does nothing but berate and emasculate this poor fool for years and years, His wife often joins in because she discovered her mother's ire turns to her if she tries to defend him. One day while clearing out the basement of an old, dingy house they purchased a few months back, the husband discovers a vase. He took it upstairs to show to his wife. The Mother-In-Law immediately and greedily claims it as hers. As she was cleaning it up, a plume of smoke started to come out and it whirled around almost like a tornado. Low and behold, the Mother-In-Law had set a genie free.
Genie: Oh my goodness! A million thanks for setting me free! I've been cramped up in there for thousands of years! For my freedom, I will grant three wishes.
MIL: I'll be rich! and young! and beautiful! and famous! Mine, mine, it's ALL mine!
Husband: Now wait a minute Gertrude, this is MY house and I found the vase. So everything is MINE!
Wife: (very soft spoken) Mother, can't we all have one wish each?
Genie: One wish each is very fair. But being that the old woman actually set me free, she will get double what you each wish for should she decide to share her wishes.
MIL: That sounds fair but one of you worthless sacks had better wish for riches!
Wife: I'll go first. Genie, I gratefully wish for 10 million dollars.
Genie: Done. You get 10 million dollars and the old woman will get 20 million dollars.
MIL: I wish for everlasting youth and beauty. (MIL transforms into a 20 something stunningly gorgeous woman.)
Husband: I wish for you to beat me half to death.
Genie: Oh my goodness! A million thanks for setting me free! I've been cramped up in there for thousands of years! For my freedom, I will grant three wishes.
MIL: I'll be rich! and young! and beautiful! and famous! Mine, mine, it's ALL mine!
Husband: Now wait a minute Gertrude, this is MY house and I found the vase. So everything is MINE!
Wife: (very soft spoken) Mother, can't we all have one wish each?
Genie: One wish each is very fair. But being that the old woman actually set me free, she will get double what you each wish for should she decide to share her wishes.
MIL: That sounds fair but one of you worthless sacks had better wish for riches!
Wife: I'll go first. Genie, I gratefully wish for 10 million dollars.
Genie: Done. You get 10 million dollars and the old woman will get 20 million dollars.
MIL: I wish for everlasting youth and beauty. (MIL transforms into a 20 something stunningly gorgeous woman.)
Husband: I wish for you to beat me half to death.
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Old_Me
SAINT
i have been trying to find out, i have no idea either.Who in the hell is this ugly democrat and what state voted it in office.
Keystone19250
SAINT
rosa delauro, congresswoman...
Annihilator
Emissary
You beat me to it, just found out who the bimbo was….
BassCliff
Professional
HayesGreener
Ronin
Annihilator
Emissary
Annihilator
Emissary
Annihilator
Emissary
Annihilator
Emissary
The state of Conn. of all places . Elected 18 times.
