Ajones2
Elite
Poor guy.. needs a wife like mine that goes fishing with me!
JOKES!!!!!
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Poor guy.. needs a wife like mine that goes fishing with me!
Ajones2
Elite
Keystone19250
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Keystone19250
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Peglegjoe
Professional
Sent By an Anonymous UPS Driver
1) Steve: He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He's sizing me up as I deliver his ammo. Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
2) Brad: He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new "Bernie Bro" hat at the tape. Brad will not survive. Steve will probably eat him.
3) Nancy: She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about "The Rona" on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper. She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
4) Karen: She has called everybody and read them the latest news on "The Rona". She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonald's, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen's kids are currently faking "The Rona" to avoid her. I'm delivering "Hello Kitchen" to her. Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
5) Mary: Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I'm bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days. Mary will survive and marry Steve. Together they will repopulate the earth.
1) Steve: He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He's sizing me up as I deliver his ammo. Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
2) Brad: He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new "Bernie Bro" hat at the tape. Brad will not survive. Steve will probably eat him.
3) Nancy: She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about "The Rona" on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper. She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
4) Karen: She has called everybody and read them the latest news on "The Rona". She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonald's, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen's kids are currently faking "The Rona" to avoid her. I'm delivering "Hello Kitchen" to her. Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
5) Mary: Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I'm bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days. Mary will survive and marry Steve. Together they will repopulate the earth.
The giant I-4 project in Orlando has moved up almost 4 months ahead of schedule because of the traffic decrease.
Keystone19250
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Keystone19250
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Keystone19250
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Keystone19250
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Keystone19250
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Annihilator
Emissary
Psychiatrist vs. Bartender ...
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed
at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him: "I've got problems. Every time I go
to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going
crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. "Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those
fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"One hundred fifty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it," I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" He asked.
"Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year,* *is $23,400.00. A
bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money
that I went and bought a new pickup truck."
"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Nobody under there now."*
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed
at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him: "I've got problems. Every time I go
to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going
crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. "Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those
fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"One hundred fifty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it," I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" He asked.
"Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year,* *is $23,400.00. A
bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money
that I went and bought a new pickup truck."
"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Nobody under there now."*
Annihilator
Emissary
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned"
Keystone19250
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Keystone19250
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