I’m just a lone opinion here but I am a long time enduser of these calibers and platforms they’re used in. I back my opinion with what some call “real world” experience, as well as extensive range time, for what that’s worth.
I have carried a 10mm for a number of years starting with the Bren Ten shortly after it was introduced. The Bren is now retired but Its caliber is still my EDC in the form of a Springfield XDm. It’s an excellent cartridge and platform. Over the years I have also fielded this caliber in the 1911 platform too, but, the 1911 is a post unto itself.
Bottom line is. These calibers and/or platforms, either work for you or they don't. I have never understood the arguments concerning the 10mm as I find no difference between it an a .45ACP. The .45 1911 being another platform that I have relied on over the years, a ParaOrdance P14 being my go-to. These calibers either work for one or they don't. They do so for any number of reasons but the #1 reason has to be one’s ability and comfort level with it. One can’t figure that out unless you actually shoot them to get that information.
Reading reviews is helpful but very opinionated and limiting and although correct in a factual general way, can not account for your own experience on a range with them!
The same applies to the .40SW an 9mm discussion and .. contentions.
When I carry a secondary platform or backup it’s a Springfield XD compact in .40. It works for me, it’s comfortable and 100% reliable and Does what I require of it each an ever time. That may not be what everyone is looking for, I can only be responsible for my opinion an that it.
The 9mm cartridge an platform has been a companion since I was issued one in SEA in 1970. The issue was a Browning Hi Power and I still have it, along with several other Belgiums an a couple of the variants collected over the years. In THIS shooters opinion it was the best John Browning design between it a the 1911, some will agree some not, doesn't matter,
I digress, The current HiPower of note is the Springfield SA35 which is by far the best evolution of the iconic Browning design to date, making modern changes for the better, while holding to its original concept and basic ergonomic design. As the original Belgium’s are now in the collector category I’ve acquired an SA35 for casual EDC, size an weight allow for easy and comfortable carry without greatly printing and changes in munition component design affords the 9mm a good standing in terminal ballistics for some generations to come.
The 9mm cartridge was designed for primarily one singular use and has past the test of time in conflicts, law enforcement, a personal protection since introduced in 1901. Upwards to 60% or so of all LE use the 9mm.
An important point to consider.
From this end user’s POV it’s a simple decision.
That decision requires that as much information be acquired as possible by the end user before acquiring a platform.
The most useful and reverent of this info that one can get is a side by side range evaluation of the reverent calibers being considered to get actual, real time, data and experience with each caliber,
IN YOUR HANDS,
Preferably in the platform you’re considering or at the very least the same barrel leant.
I would suggest that one pairs up the 10mm an .45ACP first and once a choice has been determined pair it up with one’s choice of .40 SW and see where that takes you.
I personally feel that the 9mm stands alone and should be considered in that light.
However, should you decide on the 10mm or .45 as your primary but find the .40 not quite to your liking for some reason. then a side by side of the .40 an 9mm might be helpful in clarifying which caliber an platform might suit you best.
There is no wrong answer(s) here!
A firearm and it’s chambered caliber is one of the most important an PERSONAL choices one may ever have to make and should be done only after some consideration as to what an where you might have to deploy it, having actually, physically had it in hand and if at all possible shot it (all platforms are NOT made the same and fo Not always ergonomically fit or are comfortable to shoot).
Reading about it is great information but can only be really determined on a personal level.