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JOKES!!!!!

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A single mother wakes up from a coma after giving birth to twins…

She asks the doctor “Where are my babies? I want to see my babies!”

The doctor says “Not to worry, your babies are safe and at home with your brother. You had two healthy babies, one boy, and one girl, but unfortunately I do have some bad news.”

Immediately thinking the worst, the mother asks “Oh my God, what’s wrong?”

“Well, you were recovering for a long time,” the doctor says solemnly, “we had to give the children a name. Your brother chose them…”

Shocked, the mother asks “What did he name the girl?”

The doctor lets out a sigh and says “Denise.”

“Oh!” The mother says, “That’s a lovely name, what about the boy?”

The doctor places a hand on the mother’s shoulder, shaking his head he says…

“Denephew.”
 
Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high, the second one, about a meter too low, the third one yells, “We got it!”
 
A man is visiting New York City for the first time and he wants to see the Empire State Building. He climbs to the top and marvels at how high it is. A local at the top tells him "you know, the wind is so strong up here, if you jump of it will push you tight back onto the viewing area. The man laughs the local off, so the local jumps off the side of the building and, sure enough, floats right back onto the platform. The tourist thinks that's amazing and wants to try, so he leaps off the side of the building. He falls, screaming, to his death.

Another guy looks at the local and says "sometimes, Superman, you're a real dick."
 
Something to try with a kid who is just starting to grow up:

Ask them to say "I", spell cat, and say "ness." Ask them to trust that it will eventually be funny.

Then ask them to say "I", spell dog, and say "ness."

Finally, ask them to say "I", spell map, and say "ness."

See how long it takes for them to chuckle.
 
Light Travels.jpg
 
I was told once that any northerners contemplating a visit to New Orleans, needed to learn how to speak like the Cajuns. Try this, using your best attempt at a Cajun accent:

A B, C D puppies
M R no puppies
M R 2 puppies
C M P N

(My apologies to any true Cajuns or Louisianans reading this)

Edit: I was also told that a Yankee was classified as anyone that lived north of I-10. 🤔
 
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