I think I have alluded to this here before, but when I was a teenager I trained myself to remember my dreams and dream lucidly. I was curious if dreams meant anything and I was never really able to recall mine so I trained myself to. Biggest mistake I ever made. You cannot unlearn that. I haven't had a decent night's sleep without alcohol and/or being completely worn out since January of 2020 when my first wife, the love of my life, left me. 25 years later and I still have dreams that correlate things my first wife did with my second wife. So like I will dream my current wife is blowing me off for some dude or something. Shite like that. Add in the fact that dreams are absolutely 100% your brain making up stories to amuse itself while your conscious self sleeps and it uses bits and pieces stored in your memory to concoct them and you have a perfect recipe for some seriously screwed up dreams. Your memory contains all the people you loved who died, all your fears and insecurities, all of it. And some memories should be forgotten. The day my wife came home and told me she was in love with someone else, I moved out of the house I bought for us. Me and my dog and my guitars, guns and tools lived in my truck for about a month while I found a place to stay. I was unable to stop thinking about her and this other guy. Literally unable. I ran a perfectly good business into the ground and picked up a nasty habit I won't discuss here. A week later, in my truck with my dog I wrote a song. It perfectly sums up the way I felt about my life. I didn't care what happened, my entire world was gone.
Satan is calling and I am listening, there's something wrong there can be no deny
My body's weak and my soul stops resisting, there's nothing left to live for I will die.
There's always something to live for
And there's always someone who needs you
but if death were a sin than it's unfair to be in the
state..I'm.. in.
Satan is calling and I am answering, his request to come and take hold of his hand
His promises are so vague but I'm helpless, he promises to take me from this land.
If your brain is capable of conjuring up crap like that when you're awake, imagine what it comes up with when you aren't looking.